Book Club Review: The Body Keeps The Score
If you have spent any time exploring mental health books, you have probably heard someone mention the book The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. For years it has been one of the most talked about books in the trauma and therapy world. Many therapists reference it. Many clients are curious about it. Many people feel like they should read it because it is considered one of the foundational books about trauma.
I recently hosted a book club about it because I wanted to explore the ideas together and see how people experienced the book in real time. I expected a mix of readers, but what surprised me was that most of the people who attended were therapists themselves.
That alone says something about the book.
By the end of the book club we all had a very similar reaction. We all agreed that the information inside the book is incredibly important. At the same time we also agreed that it is not an easy or light read and it is not necessarily the best place for most people to start learning about trauma.
So here is my hot take after reading it and discussing it with a room full of therapists: I am going to stop recommending it to clients.
That may sound surprising since the book contains such valuable information, but the truth is that the information is valuable while the experience of reading the book can be heavy, dense, and at times overwhelming. The book includes clinical language and detailed trauma stories that can be activating for readers. Even the therapists in the book club needed to take breaks from it.
The core message of the book is incredibly important though, and it is something I talk about in therapy all the time.
Your body remembers everything.
Experiences that overwhelm us do not simply live in our thoughts or memories. They shape the way our nervous system operates and they influence how our bodies respond to stress, safety, relationships, and everyday life.
For a long time our culture treated mental health and physical health as if they were two different systems. Therapy was seen as something for the mind and medical care was seen as something for the body.
They are not two systems. The mind and the body are integrated. They are one connected system and they must be treated that way.
Now read that again.
When someone experiences trauma, chronic stress, or overwhelming experiences, those experiences shape the nervous system. The nervous system controls heart rate, digestion, muscle tension, sleep, emotional regulation, and many other bodily processes. When the nervous system is stuck in survival mode the body feels it.
This is why people often notice headaches during stressful periods. This is why stomach problems sometimes show up during anxiety. This is why chronic tension can live in shoulders and neck for years. This is why sleep problems often follow emotional overwhelm.
Your body is not separate from your emotional life.
It is deeply involved in it.
That is the most important message from the book and it is the message I want people to understand even if they never open the book.
Healing does not only happen through talking. Talking can help you understand your story, but regulation of the nervous system is what often helps the body begin to feel safe again. Many people find relief through approaches that include body awareness, breathing practices, movement, grounding exercises, mindfulness, and other nervous system regulation strategies.
None of this means you need to read a 400 page clinical book to understand the concept.
If you are curious about the book, you can absolutely read it. Just know that it is dense and that it can be emotionally heavy. It may be helpful to read it slowly, take breaks when needed, and reflect on what the ideas mean for your own experience.
When our book club met, we spent more time discussing the ideas than the chapters themselves. The conversations were often about how the nervous system shows up in daily life and how our bodies respond to stress, safety, and relationships.
If you do decide to read the book, here are some reflection questions that can help you process what you are learning:
When you feel overwhelmed, where do you notice stress in your body and what physical sensations show up first?
How does your body typically respond to pressure or conflict and does your system tend to move toward anxiety, shutdown, tension, or exhaustion?
Have you ever noticed a time when your physical reaction to a situation felt bigger than the situation itself and what do you think your body might have been remembering in that moment?
What activities help your body settle when you feel stressed and what helps your nervous system feel safe again?
Have you ever noticed a connection between emotional stress and physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach issues, muscle tension, fatigue, or sleep problems?
If your nervous system developed certain responses to protect you during difficult experiences, how might your perspective shift if you viewed those responses with curiosity instead of criticism?
The most important thing I want readers to take away from the book club experience is this.
Your body is not working against you.
It is responding based on everything it has experienced.
When we begin to understand that the mind and body are integrated and not separate systems, healing starts to make more sense. We begin to treat the nervous system with the care and attention it deserves.
You do not need to finish the book to learn that lesson.
Sometimes the most important idea from a long book can fit into one simple truth.
Your body remembers, and your nervous system deserves support just as much as your thoughts do.
About the Author: Renée M. Calhoun, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist providing virtual therapy to individuals, couples, and families in Pennsylvania and New York. She specializes in ADHD, trauma, family systems, substance use, and supporting high functioning women and parents navigating stress, burnout, and life transitions. Renée is passionate about helping people understand their nervous systems, build healthier relationships, and feel more confident in their everyday lives. Learn more at www.reneecalhounlmft.com.
Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care.
