Why Perimenopause Can Make You Feel Like You’re Loosing Your Mind

I remember the day in 5th grade when they took all of us girls to the school library, covered the windows with paper like we were preparing for a classified briefing, and told us what was about to happen to our bodies.

It was awkward. Deeply awkward. (I mean, who really wants to see their 5th grade teacher holding up a maxi pad like it’s a show-and-tell artifact?)

But oddly, it comforted me.

I’m not a fan of flying blind. I like to be prepared. I love a good plan. A roadmap. A checklist.

So even though I wanted to melt into the carpet, I appreciated the heads-up.

Now let’s fast forward about 35 years.

I’d heard about perimenopause. I’d skimmed a few articles. I knew hot flashes, night sweats, and mood swings might show up at some point. And honestly? It all felt a little unfair after decades of PMS, periods, cramps, and the general Olympic sport of “being a woman”.

Still, I thought I was prepared.

I wasn’t.

Because here’s the thing no one really tells you: Perimenopause doesn’t arrive with a banner and trumpets.

It slips in quietly. Randomly. Inconsistently. One day you’re fine. The next day your body feels like it’s running a software update you didn’t approve.

My first hot flash (which I didn’t realize was a hot flash at the time) happened during a regular Hatha yoga class that suddenly felt like I had been dropped into the Sahara.

Out of nowhere, an internal flame ignited. I ripped off my sweatshirt and silently cursed whoever had clearly messed with the thermostat mid-class.

And then - just as quickly as it came - it disappeared. Sweatshirt back on. Completely confused.

A couple of weeks later, I noticed that when I lay down at night, I heard a whooshing sound in my ears. Not the soothing “ocean waves” kind that you get on those sleep apps. More like a washing machine set to “heavy load”. Slosh. Slosh. Slosh.

My symptoms didn’t follow a neat, trackable pattern like PMS. They came out of nowhere.

Nothing I could follow on a calendar or in a journal.

I would be mid-sentence and suddenly forget the word I was about to say. Not an obscure word. A basic word. The kind you’ve used since 2 nd grade.

I’d walk upstairs to grab my purse and forget why I was going up there by the fourth step. (I once did this 3 times before I gave up out of sheer frustration.)

I’d open the fridge and just…stand there. Looking blankly at the contents.

That’s when a scary thought crept in: Am I losing my mind?

I had heard of hot flashes - but no one described them as spontaneous internal combustion.

I read about a lesser known symptom in perimenopause called tinnitus (ringing in the ears) - but “whooshing washing machine sound” was never mentioned.

And brain fog? I assumed that meant “a little forgetful”, not symptoms that had me considering whether I needed to be evaluated by a neurologist.

So let me say to you what I wish someone had said to me: You are not failing. You are not declining. You are not losing your mind.

You are transitioning.

Perimenopause is a hormonal recalibration. Estrogen and progesterone fluctuate unpredictably, and those fluctuations affect far more than your period. They influence your temperature regulation, sleep, mood, cognition, and even how your nervous system responds to stress.

When the shifts feel random, it can feel scary.

But random does not mean broken.

You are the only person who has lived in your body since day one. You know when something feels off. You know when something has shifted. Believe in your own awareness.

Talk to people you trust.

Find a provider who listens.

Educate yourself.

Ask questions.

Advocate for your health like you would for someone you love.

Because here’s the empowering truth: You survived puberty.

You survived decades of menstrual cycles.

You have navigated career demands, relationships, family responsibilities, life’s curveballs, and everything in between.

You are not fragile.

You are adaptable.

And you will navigate this, too.

Might it feel messy and weird and annoying? Yes.

But this time? We don’t have to sit in a dark library pretending we understand what’s happening to our bodies.

We get to talk about it. Out loud. Together.

And that alone changes everything.

About the author: Sandy Cini, LCSW, MSW, MEd, is a licensed clinical social worker who provides virtual therapy to adults across Pennsylvania. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in helping women navigate midlife transitions, relationships, anxiety, and identity changes with honesty, compassion, and practical insight. Learn more about her work at her counseling practice, Courageous Exploration Counseling and Consulting.

Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care.