I Might Not Be the Therapist for You. And That’s Actually a Good Thing.
You’ll see it all the time.
Someone asks for a therapist in a mom’s group and a few people jump in saying they treat everything.
Anxiety. Trauma. ADHD. Kids. Couples. Addiction. Personality disorders.
And listen, most therapists can work with a wide range of issues. That’s part of our training. We learn how to sit with a lot. We build instincts. We figure out how to show up when things are hard.
But there’s a difference people don’t always say out loud: There’s a difference between having experience and actually knowing something deeply.
Here’s how I think about it
I drive a Jeep.
I’ve been driving for over 20 years. I can get into almost any automatic car and figure it out. I can get where I need to go without much thought.
That’s experience.
But if I worked at a Jeep dealership, or I was a mechanic who specialized in Jeeps, or I built them?
That’s different.
I’d know how that vehicle actually works.
I’d know its strengths and its limits.
I’d know how far I could push it and when to pull back.
I’d know how to take care of it so it performs well over time.
That’s expertise.
Therapy works the same way
Over the years, I’ve worked with a wide range of people.
Kids on the spectrum
ODD and conduct-related behaviors
Anxiety and depression
Personality disorders
I can sit with those clients. I can show up. I can use my general clinical training and instincts to provide care.
But do I know those areas inside and out? Am I constantly training, studying, and specializing in those specific diagnoses?
No.
And I think it’s important to be honest about that.
What I do know deeply
There are areas where I’ve spent years working, training, supervising, and building real depth.
Addiction and recovery
Anxiety and overwhelm
ADHD and executive functioning
Breaking generational patterns and family dynamics
Parenting stress and the mental load
Trauma, abuse, and human trafficking
That’s where I know the patterns.
That’s where I can see what’s underneath the surface.
That’s where I know how to respond in a way that actually fits the person in front of me.
And as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I’m always looking at how all of this connects.
How it shows up in your relationships
How it impacts your partner, your kids, your family
What patterns you learned and are still carrying
How you show up when things get hard
Because you’re not just a diagnosis. You’re a whole system.
I might not be the therapist for you
And that’s actually a good thing.
The goal isn’t to find a therapist who says yes to everyone.
The goal is to find a therapist who knows how to work with you.
Who understands your patterns.
Who has depth in the areas you’re struggling with.
Who has a clear way of thinking about people and change.
Fit matters more than anything.
Questions to ask when choosing a therapist
You are allowed to interview your therapist. In fact, you’re doing yourself a disservice if you aren’t.
Here are some questions that actually matter:
What types of clients or issues do you have the most experience with?
What have you had additional training in after your degree?
How do you approach therapy or treatment?
How do you typically think about the problems I’m describing?
What does progress look like when you work with someone like me?
How do you handle it if something isn’t working in therapy?
What modalities or frameworks do you use regularly?
Do you work more from a symptom-focused model or a bigger-picture model?
How do you incorporate family, relationships, or systems into your work?
What kind of clients tend to be a really good fit for you?
What kind of clients might not be a good fit for you?
Pay attention to how they answer.
Not just what they say, but how they think.
The bottom line
I can drive almost any car.
But I know my Jeep differently.
In the same way, I can sit with a lot of different experiences and show up with care.
But my expertise is where I’ve gone deeper. Where I’ve trained more. Where I understand the patterns and the people.
And that’s what shapes how I show up in the room.
You don’t need someone who “treats everything.”
You need someone who understands YOU.
