The Great Holiday Homecoming
When College Kids Come Home for the Holidays and Everyone Forgets How to Live Together
There is nothing like that first moment when your college kid walks through the door for Thanksgiving or winter break. You are emotional and proud and suddenly sniffing their hair like they are five again. Then within twenty four hours you are staring at their overflowing laundry pile wondering who raised them.
Welcome to the great holiday homecoming. It is sweet. It is chaotic. It is confusing. And it is very normal.
Why this transition feels like whiplash
Your college student has been living like a semi adult
They eat at two in the morning
They sleep at noon
They do not tell anyone where they are
No one asks if they have clean socks
Meanwhile you have been living like a person who enjoys knowing who is in the house and when the front door opens.
So now you are both trying to merge lifestyles and rhythms and expectations without a roadmap. No wonder someone ends up annoyed.
The secret to avoiding the holiday blow up
Talk first.
Before the late nights
Before the friend reunion tour
Before they vanish into their room like a woodland creature
Do it casually. Think car ride, coffee, table, couch snuggle with the dog. Not lecture podium principal voice.
The goal is simple
You share your expectations
They share theirs
Everyone gives a little
Everyone survives
Topic One The Going Out Situation
In college staying out until two in the morning is practically considered early. At home you are lying awake imagining car accidents, kidnappings, and that one Law and Order episode you never recovered from.
So ask-
What time do you usually come back at school
How often are you out that late
What would feel reasonable while you are home
Then you share-
We would like to sleep without refreshing our phone
A quick text helps
We are not asking for a curfew from 1999
And remember the golden rule of family compromise:
No one gets exactly what they want
Everyone is slightly annoyed
Peace is restored
Topic Two The Chore Plot Twist
Your college kid may believe they are returning as a beloved guest of honor
You however would love someone to unload the dishwasher once in a while
Keep it light
We are not handing you a mop and a chore chart
But we would love if you could help with a few things while you are here
Make it clear
Short list
Simple tasks
No resentment required
Topic Three The Social Calendar Circus
Your student wants to see friends
You want them at the family dinner
Grandma wants a photo
Their little sibling wants attention
Everyone has feelings
This is where expectations are essential
Ask them
What are the things you want to do while you are home
How many nights do you want to see friends
Do you want people over
Do you need downtime
Then share yours
We have a few family things planned and we would love your presence and your face and your attitude
A shared calendar can save a thousand sighs. It does not need to be beautiful. It just needs to exist.
Why this conversation saves your holiday
It prevents World War Three over absolutely nothing
It respects their new independence
It reduces your anxiety
It protects the relationship
It helps everyone enjoy the short time together
Holiday breaks are short
Do you want to spend it bonding
Or passive aggressively clanking dishes in the kitchen
A script you can literally read out loud
We are really excited that you are coming home. Before things get busy can we take a few minutes to talk about how we can make this break feel good for everyone. We want you to enjoy your time and we also want to know what to expect so we are not worrying or frustrated later. Let us talk about going out staying in helping a little around the house and family plans. We love you and we are glad you will be here. We want this time to be fun peaceful and low drama.
Final reminder
Compromise is not about winning
Compromise is about not ruining Thanksgiving
Your student feels respected
You feel calmer
Grandma gets her photo
Nobody cries in the bathroom
That is a holiday miracle
For a laugh, check out this TikTok
