When White Elephants Don’t Feel Funny Anymore- Guest Blog
Guest blog by Julianne Griffen, CRS
This came up in one of our Swift Steps meetings when someone shared about her work white elephant party.
She didn’t participate this year, on purpose.
Not because she was tempted. Not because she was struggling. She just didn’t want to sit in a circle full of alcohol again.
And honestly? She said she was so happy she skipped it. It was a relief.
But here’s the part that stuck with me:
Only two people at her job even know she doesn’t drink.
No one made a big deal out of her sitting it out. From the outside, it probably looked normal.
But inside, it felt awkward, that quiet, heavy kind of awkward, wondering if anyone else in that
room was carrying the same kind of baggage… and just pretending they weren’t.
Listening to her, something hit me really hard:
We act like gifting alcohol is normal…but we’d never gift any other vice.
Think about it:
No one is putting a carton of cigarettes in a white elephant bag.
No one is gifting vape starter kits.
No one is throwing edibles into a present gift bag and calling it good.
And here’s the wild part:
If I did put Narcan in a gift bag?
If I wrapped nicotine patches or gum?
If I handed out Suboxone with a bow on top?
People would probably think that was even more inappropriate.
And those are the things that help people stay alive.
Those are the things that help people quit.
Life-saving tools would be seen as “too much”.
But a bottle of homemade coquito? Totally fine. Cute, even. Alcohol gets wrapped in pretty paper and passed around like a joke.
Literal poison, something that we all know is harmful to us, is treated as normal.
And the things that help us would be treated like crossing a line.
That’s what got to me.
You Don’t Have to Be “Struggling” for This to Be Uncomfortable
That’s the part no one talks about.
You can be solid in your recovery.
You can be sober by choice.
You can be someone who simply doesn’t drink because you don’t want to.
And still feel like the odd one out at holiday parties.
You’re sitting there thinking:
“If I participate in this, I’m basically pretending I’m part of a culture I’m not part of anymore. But If I don’t, I’m the weird one sitting out.”
No one is calling you out. No one is shaming you. But it still feels sort of awkward.
To me, it’s not your choice that it’s awkward. It’s the fact that our culture still centers our celebrations around a substance so many of us are trying to get away from.
Inside Swift Steps, We See These Moments Differently
In Swift Steps, we talk openly about things like:
✨ Setting boundaries without making it a big announcement
✨ Opting out of events and still feeling confident about it
✨ Not owing anyone an explanation for why you don’t drink
✨ How to sit in your truth even when the room doesn’t get it
We also lean into our Sleigh the Holiday!
1. Plan ahead like a mastermind: know your triggers, have an exit strategy and/or bring your own mocktail.
2. Build Your Own “You Belong With Me” Squad: Stay connected, attend meetings, have accountability check ins.
3. Create New Traditions with a “Blank Space”: Sober celebrations, Swiftie gratitude nights and Taylor craft nights.
4. Practice “Delicate” Self Care: set boundaries, manage stress and make sure to get sleep
5. Stay mindful of the “Clean” Era: Focus on gratitude, don't overcommit and journal your way to peace when your head is busy
6. “Style” yourself busy: Choose activities that feel grounding, Plan moments that support your recovery and let your time reflect the life you're building
7. Practice Harm Reduction with Your ‘Daylight’ Plan: have a buddy system know your limits and have better replacements.
8. Prepare for Emotional Triggers with a Safe and Sound approach: stay grounded, use positive affirmations and reach out for help
9. Use Recovery Resources That ‘Begin Again’: online recovery meetings, recovery apps and hotlines
10. Celebrate your Wins with a reward yourself and acknowledge progress: These aren’t rules. They’re support. They remind you that your choices are allowed, even if the room doesn’t see it.
If This Sounds Like You, Read This Twice!
You don’t have to drink to fit in.
You don’t have to explain yourself to be respected.
You don’t have to sit through uncomfortable traditions to keep the peace.
And you definitely don’t have to feel alone.
That’s exactly why I created Swift Steps: The Recovery Community for Swifties, a place where you can show up as the version of yourself you’re trying to build, not the version everyone else expects.
We meet daily.
We offer peer-led support.
We welcome all pathways.
We have a free tier so you can join without pressure.
If you need a community that understands choices like skipping the white elephant, not because you’re struggling, but because you’re taking care of yourself: we’re here!
You deserve to feel comfortable in your own life, holidays included!
About the Author: Julianne Griffin is a Certified Peer Specialist, Recovery Mentor, Public Speaker and the founder of Swift Steps: The Recovery Community for Swifties, a virtual, music-infused peer support program built around Taylor Swift’s eras. At Swift Steps, we fill in the blank space of your recovery as a team, honoring that all pathways are valid and that recovery is not linear.
